JOHNNY: Thank you, Sammy Star! Welcome to, "Keeping Up With The Joneses". I'm your host with the most,
Johnny Ferrari. Before we start our show, let's meet some of our audience members! (Johnny goes into the
audience. He talks with three pre-arranged actors.) Hi! What's your name and why are you here tonight?

AUDIENCE #1: (kid with attitude) Steve....my mom made me come as punishment.

JOHNNY: Hey...cute kid! (quickly goes to next person) Hi! What's your name and why are you here tonight?
Help me out here, young lady, it's a tough room!

AUDIENCE #2: My name's Towanda and I'm here because my girlfriend Kaneesha told me that all the kids
at school would think I was cool if I could get on your show....(screams with excitement)

JOHNNY: Good answer, Towanda! With an attitude like that, you could be a future contestant on
"Keeping Up With The Joneses"! (#2 screams again) OK...let's meet one final audience member before
we start today's show. What is your name, sir?

AUDIENCE #3: (#3 is cool!) I'm Joey. I just want to know, why you don't relax and just be yourself
instead of acting like all those other Hollywood phonies on TV? Give it a break!

JOHNNY: Joey, Joey, Joey. You've got alot to learn my young friend. If you wanna make it in life,
you've gotta act like the BIG BOYS...go with the flow...don't rock the boat! Go you own way, and you'll
be traveling ALL alone! Thanks, Joey...glad I could help!. It's time to meet our two families on today's
"Keeping Up With The Joneses"! Please welcome our reigning champs...the Joneses! And today's challengers,
the Peersons! (As each family is announced, they run to stage and get into position.) OK, Joneses, tell
us a little about yourselves!

JONESES: Well, Johnny, we hail from Los Angeles...I'm a Doctor, my lovely wife Jane is an interior
decorator and our son Jimmy is a varsity football star at UCLA!

JOHNNY: What a lovely family! And now, let's meet the Peersons! Tell us about the Peersons.

PEERSONS: (Acts nervous & sneaky) We're from Los Angeles...I'm a Doctor..my lovely wife Jane is an
interior decorator and our son Jimmy is a varsity football star at UCLA.

JOHNNY: (baffled) Uh, excuse me, Mr. Peerson. You're from Philadelphia, you're a plumber, your wife is a
check out girl at Shoprite, and you don't have a son...you have a daughter!

PEERSONS: We...we..just wanted to be like...THEM! I told you, you shoulda been an interior decorator instead
of a check out girl! Any why couldn't you have learned how to play football?

JOHNNY: OK! Let's play "Keeping Up"! Joneses, you won the toss back stage, so we'll start the questions with
you. Question number one: What is the capital of New York?

JONESES: Uh..that would be New York City, Johnny.

JOHNNY: No, I'm sorry, that is an incorrect answer. That means we go to the Peersons for a chance at the
correct answer. Peersons....what is the capital of New York?

PEERSONS: (In a family huddle) Uh...that would be New York City, Johnny.

JOHNNY: (Baffled) No..No..that's what the Joneses said and I told THEM it was an incorrect answer. Now
why would you give me the same exact WRONG answer.....KNOWING it was wrong?

PEERSONS: Well, they're such a popular family, we thought that if that answer was good enough for them
to say, it was good enough for us to say too! (Acts proud of his answer)

JOHNNY: (Stares in shock then snaps out of it) OK. Let's try question number two: Who is buried in
Grant's Tomb? Think about it Joneses...this COULD BE a trick question!

JONESES: Uh...that would be Abraham Lincoln, Johnny.

JOHNNY: No...I'm sorry, its not Lincoln. I warned you about a possible trick question, Joneses!
OK, Peersons...here's your chance to pull ahead! Who is buried in Grant's Tomb?

PEERSONS: (In a family huddle) Uh, that would be Abraham Lincoln, Johnny.

JOHNNY: People!! GRANT is buried in Grant's Tomb! Did you hear the question properly?

PEERSONS: (Sheepishly) Yes..we..we just want to be like them.

JOHNNY: Well, you're certainly doing a good job at that! (Peersons perk up and act
very proud). Now, because of time, let's go to our final round, the challenge round!
The question goes to our reigning champs, the Joneses. Which tastes better, Coke
or Pepsi? Answer or Challenge?

JONESES: (In a family huddle) We'll take the challenge, Johnny!

JOHNNY: OK...here's your BIG BUCKS challenge. You must jump off the Brookly Bridge.
(The Joneses get excited, high five each other and run off stage and jump off the
"bridge". OK, Peersons. If you answer the question correctly you could be our
new champions! OK....here we go!

PEERSONS: (In a family huddle) Uh, we'll take the challenge also, Johnny.

JOHNNY: (Upset) How could you take the challege? It's an OPINION question!
There's no right or wrong answer......you'd win automatically!

PEERSONS: We just want to be popular...like the Joneses.

JOHNNY: Well, go join the Joneses. They just jumped to their deaths off the
Brooklyn Bridge! I guess you're our winners......you're the only ones left!

PEERSONS: (Jump up and down shouting) "We Won...We Won! We're finally popular!
(They run off the stage and jump off the bridge too.)

JOHNNY: (Head hanging low, in disbelief) I'm sorry folks.....I just can't do
this show anymore. I can't believe people are that STUPID! (walks off)

PLAY TAPE: Join Johnny Ferrari next week on his new show, "Would you jump off
a bridge for a buck?" Good night everybody!