"Mute-O-Matic"
"Mute-O-Matic" stage is your meeting. Someone should be up front speaking, giving
announcements or reading a poem or letter of some sort. The focus is on two
"surfer dudes" that all of a sudden walk into the meeting. As they begin to talk,
the person reading or speaking up front continues to do so, oblivious to their talking.
DUDE #1: Yo, dude, check this out! It's the most awesome thing in the history of...things, man!
(He pulls out a large remote control) I got it when I was down at the mall for the Star Trek
Convention, man. Boy, that Mr. Spock is one narly dude, man!
DUDE #2: Spocks bogus, man. Kirk rules, dude! Hey, what is that thing anyway? (Points to remote)
DUDE #1: It's the new Mute-O-Matic, man, by Hellco. You just like point it at someone that's
talking and CABAMB...it's shut-up city, man. It's the greatest invention since air pollution!
DUDE #2: Yo, let me try this baby out, man. (Points it at the person speaking up front, who
immediately becomes silent, but continues to mouth the words, oblivious that anything has happened.)
Totally awesome, bro! (Points it again and the speaker is heard....he does this a few times...off,
then on...off, then on) I love this thing, man!
DUDE #1: Yea, well the best part is that with this little momma, we can wipe out anything we don't
wanna hear. You know, like stuff about sin and hell. Now, we'll only have to listen to the good stuff,
you know, like love and peace and junk like that! (High five each other)
DUDE #2: Yea, man, it will be like crusin' down the cafeteria line...take a little of this, mute out
a little of that...then add a blessing or two here and then mute out some condemnation and some wages
of sin there. We won't ever have to feel like sinners again, man. We can start our own religion,
Cafeteria Christianity! Take all you want....but eat all you take! We'll be rich! (They high five
each other...as their hands meet, they freeze and the tape announcer speaks)
TAPED ANNOUNCER: Tired of all the talk about sin, judgment and hell? Sick of those naggy, whiny ministers
always harping about responsibility, accountability and reaping the consequences of your actions? If you
answered "yes" to either of these questions, then it's time you got the new, MUTE-O-MATIC by Hellco! That's
right...with just one click on Mute-O-Matic's new trimline design chasis, you can enjoy beautiful, guilt-free
silence. Mute-O-Matic puts you right where you belong...in the driver's seat of life. Don't let anyone
tell YOU what to do anymore. And don't be fooled by cheap imitations. Mute-O-Matic is the only silencer
of annoying and irritating truth that is endorsed by MTV, the FCC AND your local school board. Sure,
there'll be hell to pay later, but why worry about something that's going to happen years from now? With
Mute-O-Matic you're just one click away from an eternity of silence. Get yours today! (Available at all
fine department stores, government agencies and institutions of higher eductation.)
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