(The Band runs out on stage, waving and acting like rock starts...shake David Letterhead's hand)

DAVID: Uh...welcome gentlemen, it's good to have you here on the big show. Been busy I see!
BAND #1: That's right Dave. Rockin & Rollin across the planet! (They all chant and high five each other)
Party! Party! Party! (They all settle down, sit and fall asleep in their chairs)
DAVID: Uh...guys..guys! Hey, look, it's Madonna! (They all jump up at once)
BAND #2: What? Where? Who? Did somebody say...Mamamamamadonna?
DAVID: Guys! It was a joke...a joke!
BAND #3: Don't EVER joke about Madonna, man. That's sacred ground, dig? (They all sit)
DAVID: (Chuckles) Yea, I DIG. (Chuckles again) Ok, let's get down to business fellas. Your new album,
"More Twisted Scriptures", which by the way, is my all time favorite album, (laughs very quickly, like he
couldn't hold it in, then coughs to cover it up) is really doing well. What gives?
BAND #1: Well, Dave. You know there's a real spiritual revolution going on throughout the universe
and we felt it was our duty, as ARTISTS, to commercially tap into what's going down. We've taken certain
liberties with the text......hey, but no one listens to the words anyway!
DAVID: After hearing a few of the cuts, I wanted to ask if you guys were realy Christians, or are you
just using God as a good luck charm...you know...to try to sell more records?
BAND #2: David...I've never been more serious when I say that we are true believers in the Almighty big
guy upstairs. We would never crossover into the Christian market just to tap into the millions and
millions of Christian record buyers that buy anything that comes along. (They all quickly huddle
together, laughing to themselves, then straighten up)
DAVID: Yeeeaaaaa. What exactly DO you guys believe? America wants to hear some of those famous nuggets
of wisdom that you've become so famous for.
BAND #3: OK, here's one Dave. "If someone slaps you on one cheek, it would be better that a millsone be
tied around his neck and be thrown into the deepest sea". Or, check this out. "Thou shalt not kill...
...unless someone REALLY geets you ticked off." (Acts proud of himself)
DAVID: That sounds pretty close to all out blashemy, boys! I'm not a very religious kind of guy, but I
don't think I'd be re-arranging the best selling book of all time!
BAND #1: Dave...you gotta lighten up! It's the 90's! You make your own rules, and then you live by 'em.
Like the good book says, "If you lust after a woman in your heart, it's the same as having sex with her,
only you don't have to buy her dinner first!" (They all laugh) Or...this is a great one..our best
selling T-Shirt..."Children obey your parents...NOT!" (They roll on the floor laughing like crazy..Dave
is not laughing at all.)
DAVID: I thought on your earlier albums you guys used to preach about how the Word of God renews your
mind and cleans out all the junk...not changing it all around to suit your own needs.
BAND #2: Hey, we didn't come on your show to be insulted, man! We've matured since our first few
albums. We've seen the world...experienced life.....as it is written, "There's Faith, Hope and Charity,
but the greatest of these...is..."hey, was Faith the greatest, or was it her sister Hope? No, I think it
was their cousin...Charity...what a fox! (He says the last few sentences with a real party attitude.
They all start laughing and high fiving each other....again.)
DAVID: (Talking to the "home audience") Parents, lock up the kids...Twisted Scriptures is in town!
ladies and gentlemen...it's time to end the big show for tonight. But before we go, do you guys have
anything to say...perhaps something that would help to recapture the hearts of a stunned America?
BAND#3: Listen, America. If you want to renew your mind, live a peaceful, happy life...if it's so
important for yo to EXIST without fear or anger or stress...then GO AHEAD..do the Bible thing! But if
you wanna do your own thing, make your own rules, live and die by the code of rock and roll, then put
that Bible back on the shelf and party down with Twisted Scriptures. We love you America!
DAVID: Don't forget to watch Twisted Scriptures, Wednesday night on ABC, when they will be hosting the
10th Annual Gay and Lesbian Rock and Roll Achievment Awards. Good Night, everybody!